You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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