I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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