hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
