thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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