sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
