So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
zippers are such a cool invention
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
