You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
