had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
