We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is Oprah even human
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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