i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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