some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
