im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
