lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
