I want to make a zoo with you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
