that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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