Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
