She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
