SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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