we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
