ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
