please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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