After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
