"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
