Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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