dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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