Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
