but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just gift wrapped bread.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
