capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
