pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
