I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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