Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
