And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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