Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
