i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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