just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
