Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
