He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
