I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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