I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
