I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
