btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She said her name was "party"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
