i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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