That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
