The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
