So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
