what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
