A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ugly people sure do ruin things
Everything about him screamed your future.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
