i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need water and some morals
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
