A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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