It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
