I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
