So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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