Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
