Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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