he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
