I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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