Me. At least after what I've been through.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
