hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I supernannyed him into submission
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
