How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
