I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
